…can we just be Broken Together?

Can You See God’s Fingerprints?

Can You See God’s Fingerprints?

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…and eternal perspective.

Hi, and welcome back to Change of Heart.

“Truth is stranger than fiction, but it is because fiction is obliged to stick to possibilities; Truth isn’t.”

Truth IS stranger than fiction. If I’d written a movie script three months ago entitled “The Great Toilet Paper Panic,” Hollywood producers would have rejected my script and said, “GET REAL!”

Then three months later…this:

Since Coronavirus, I’ve realized like never before that no matter how firm I think I am in my recovery, I must still be vigilant. Don’t get me wrong… I’m still confident in my ability to stay sober. That said…thanks to “social distancing,” much of my previous support system is GONE.

Not only is gospel learning “home-centered, church-supported,” but ultimately, so are my recovery efforts.

“You need to know why…”

Why Now…??

For many years, I did not attend the temple, and I was not worthy when I DID attend. Then, a year ago, during my first temple recommend interview in many years, my Stake President commended me for the dramatic spiritual changes which made me entirely temple-worthy for possibly the first time in my adult life. Then he asked me, “Why have you been inspired to make these changes NOW? I didn’t have a good answer then, but the madness of March 2020 has provided me with some very concrete solutions.

…Here’s my answer:

Quarantines, cancellation of public events (including our weekly church and addiction recovery meetings), and temple closures have taken their toll.

Without my trust in God and the spiritual growth I’ve enjoyed since returning to The House of the Lord, a major alcoholic relapse would be almost inevitable. Instead, I’m seeing the Lord’s hand in all of our current events and praising Him in gratitude for Christ’s atonement.

Even if we don’t recognize them, God’s fingerprints are EVERYWHERE in our lives.

2000 years ago, Jesus Christ taught:

“With men this is impossible; but with God all things are possible”

Matthew 19:26 (emphasis added)

So, what is the impossible “this”? I suggest that the answer is unique to each of us. We each need to examine ourselves to know exactly what “this” looks like for us.

For my friends who struggle with addiction and me, there is at least one common thread. With all the “impossible” things going on today, you and I and our addicted, chemically-imbalanced brains need all the help we can get.

As Christ pointed out:

Including sobriety during Coronavirus.

Living in the age of Coronavirus

COVID-19 (Coronavirus) has changed the way we shop, the way we eat, the way we work, and in short, the way we interact with the world.

Are you living in the age of Coronavirus, or are you actually living despite the Coronavirus?

Just because the way we live has changed does not mean life has ended. On the contrary, if we trust God, we will have an even greater appreciation for life. We can take joy in being alive, even in these difficult times. What did Jesus say?

“I am come that they might have life, and that they might have it more abundantly.”

John 10:10

Unorthodox sources of inspiration…

I love popular literature and movies, especially stories that portray the struggle of good vs. evil.

One of my earliest posts (“Of Magic, Muggles, and Miracles“) was inspired by an episode in one of the Harry Potter movies/books. I’d say Harry could probably single-handedly solve our Coronavirus problem, but I guess practical magic is really NOT a practical solution.

In light of recent events, it is tempting to compare our current circumstance to The Hunger Games (Coronavirus gives a whole new appreciation for the phrase:
May the odds ever be in your favor“).

However, I think there’s a far better message in another of my favorite movie series.

J.R. Tolkein’s Lord of the Rings was an incredibly challenging read…a challenge I could never fully rise to. But when Peter Jackson brought the trilogy to the big screen, I totally fell in love with the story.

In the Lord of the Rings, the powers of evil forge a magic ring. The ring’s power casts the entire world into darkness, corrupting even the best, bravest, and most courageous warriors, princes, and kings.

By chance, a Hobbit (one of the meekest and most diminutive creatures in Middle-Earth) named Frodo comes into possession of the ring. The task to destroy the ring, rid the world of evil, and ultimately save the whole earth falls.

“All that we have to decide is…”

Throughout the story, Frodo is overwhelmed by his task’s magnitude. At one point, his mentor, a wizard named Gandolf, shares this wisdom with him:

(click “play” on the video clip below…)

Frodo: “I wish the ring had never come to me, I wish none of this had happened.

Gandalf: “So do all who live to see such times but that is not for them to decide. All that we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given to us.

“There are other forces at work in this world besides the will of evil. Bilbo was MEANT to find the ring. In which case, you were also meant to have it…and that is an encouraging thought.”

― J.R.R. Tolkien, The Fellowship of the Ring

Have you ever felt like Frodo?

I have. I whined incessantly while actively drinking, “I wish none of this had happened to me.” (My wife Julie will confirm this…I am really good at whining…and I do it often!) 😉

I didn’t think God heard or answered my prayers because he did not give me what I wanted. He did not take away my cravings and character flaws. He did not restore things that I had lost (particularly my career). To me, it seemed as if God was doing nothing.

God’s fingerprints are EVERYWHERE in our lives… my experiences facilitating Addiction Recovery meetings and providing peer support at the Davis Receiving Center convince me that the more the person needs “saving,” the more eager God is to bless that person with His grace.

Now I realize that God was answering my prayers. He told me precisely what Gandalf told Frodo: “Kyle, your adversity and challenges are not for you to decide. All that you have to decide is what to do with the time (and circumstances) you have been given”.

“There are other forces at work besides the will of evil…”

Then God encouraged me (which I also chose not to listen to).

“Kyle, there are other forces at work in this world besides the will of evil. You have been given challenges that will test your very limits. You are experiencing these things because with Jesus Christ,
My beloved son atoned for you…and that is an encouraging thought!

I wish I understood then what I know now:

Christ’s strength is made perfect in our weakness, and our weakness is made strong in his perfection.

Let’s talk a little more about how this works.

This is Flax:

(Yeah, I know…where’d THAT come from??) 😉

Flax is the fiber that linen is made of. It is very soft. And so beautiful. Flax is a delicate strand with a light blue flower that appeals to the eye. Interestingly, Nephi used flax to describe how Satan works:

“…and he [the Devil] leadeth them by the neck with a flaxen cord, until he bindeth them with his strong cords forever.

2 Nephi 26:22 (The Book of Mormon, emphasis added)

Think about it…what an excellent analogy! Satan puts a garland of beautiful, soothing flowers with soft, tender stems around our necks. The floral fragrance is comforting, and we barely even think we have something around our necks. In fact, it is so delicate that we continue to let him wrap even more Flax around us.

But then what happens? When Flax fibers are woven together, they are called “linen.” Linen is one of the most robust plant-based fabrics. Eventually, the beautiful soft wreath of flowers around our neck becomes a robust and binding cord. And then…

Led carefully down to Hell.

A couple of chapters later, Nephi tells us even more about Satan’s methods:

“…he [Satan] will pacify, and lull them away into carnal security, that they will say: All is well in Zion; yea, Zion prospereth, all is well—and thus the devil cheateth their souls, and leadeth them away CAREFULLY down to hell.

2 Nephi 28:21 (The Book of Mormon, emphasis added)

I’ve always pictured Satan as loud, obnoxious, and in-your-face, but what did Nephi tell us?
Satan leads us CAREFULLY down to hell.

Here’s what it looked like in my life:

When I first started drinking, I didn’t jump into drinking a pint of Bacardi 151 every night of the week. No…it was just an occasional drink, usually a sweet, smooth, not-too-strong cocktail of some sort…something with pretty colors and fruity flavors. Satan’s control over me was soft, pleasing, and non-threatening, like a garland of Flax.

It took YEARS for Satan’s flaxen cords to turn into rough, strong cords that could bind me forever. But bind me, he did. And so, for many years, alcohol was essential in my life. I could see no way out of the noose Satan had placed around my neck as he led me carefully down to hell.

Lessons Learned

I have learned many lessons from alcoholism. One of the most important is this:

My personal strength has VERY LITTLE to do with my success in recovery.

Once upon a time, I took great solace in Paul’s teachings to the Corinthians, where he said:

“… God is faithful, who will not suffer you to be tempted above that ye are able…”

1 Corinthians 10:13

Then I realized (over and over again) that I was being tempted beyond what I could resist. Addiction is insidious. It physically changes our brain function. It overrides all our best intentions and our better judgment. “I’ll never do it again,” we say, and then we do it again. And again. And again.

So, what happens when we ARE tempted beyond our own strength to resist?

Christ meets us where we are… and lifts us.

What happens when our brain is cross-wired to think that we can’t live without certain substances or behaviors? If we continue to read a little further in 1 Corinthians 10:13, Paul gives us the answer. He says that:

“[God] …will, with the temptation, also make a way to escape…

1 Corinthians 10:13

Escape is at the very heart of God’s plan of salvation. From the beginning, God had a plan…a way for us to escape temptation and sin.

“…Heavenly Father knew that even if we exerted every ounce of energy, we could not make it home without divine help. Therefore, He promised, ‘We will provide a savior for you!'” (see 1 Ne. 10:41 Ne. 13:40Moses 1:62 Ne. 25:23).

–Elder Keith B. McMullin, (Welcome Home, April 1999 General Conference)

I, by myself, am NOT strong enough to overcome my addictions. But…with God, all things are possible. As I partner with Christ and take advantage of His Atonement, His strength is made perfect in my weakness, and my weakness is made strong in His perfection.

Our path to perfection was described perfectly by Irish author and playwright Samuel Beckett:

“Ever tried. Ever failed. No matter.
Try again. Fail again. Fail better.”

Samuel Beckett

So, what about TODAY and the crisis that we are all facing?

Recovery is a life-long challenge.

After 15 years of hard drinking and another 12 years of slow and painful recovery, I unexpectedly experienced a complete cessation of my cravings for the first time in my adult life. In Alcoholics Anonymous, they call this the “Pink Cloud.” It might sound good, but the Pink Cloud is a dangerous place. Remember those flaxen cords…?

Satan has been trying to ease that pretty garland of Flax around my neck again lately. But, as I watched the coverage of the Coronavirus crisis and checked in with Facebook friends recently, I had an eye-opening experience.

Shaken but not stirred

For several days following the Utah earthquake, I was shaken up (literally as well as figuratively), and I spent WAY too much time obsessing over current events. Then, stressed and depressed after several hours of browsing my Facebook feed early one morning, I ran across this innocuous little post:

I have not had a drink in over two years. Nor have I kept a “stash” of liquor in the house for at least six years. But without even thinking about it, this simple little Facebook post sent me into a total tail spin. My first thought was, “OMG!! How am I going to get my rum??!”

Never mind that this news was from Colorado, and I’m living in Utah…for at least a few seconds, that old sense of panic for “the chase” was back in full force. But, of course, I quickly realized my error, and my thoughts immediately changed to “OMG!! My poor alcoholic friends in Denver feel what I just went through.”

Experiences like this give me great insight into how Christ’s atonement works and how he looks at us with longing and brotherly love when we slip and fall!

Where the rubber meets the road…

This brief experience was a wake-up call for me. In the last 30 days, we’ve been cast into daily events far beyond our previous life experiences. As a result, we feel emotions and uncertainty that we’re not accustomed to. As addicts, these feelings severely impair our ability to cope with life. As a result, slips and relapses become far more likely.

My fellow addicts: what can we do to stay strong and sober despite our surroundings? And caregivers, what can you do to help your addicted loved ones cope with these tenuous times?

Physical Distancing, not “Social Distancing” or “Spiritual Distancing”

Whoever coined the phrase “Social Distancing” got it all wrong. Although keeping our distance from others is the best way to slow the spread of COVID-19, self-isolation is LOADED with stressors and triggers.

For many addicts (including me), self-isolation is how our addiction manifests itself. As with many LDS addicts, I was a “closet drunk.” I’d white-knuckle my way through the day, and then I’d go home, hide in my “man cave,” and drink heavily. Being alone is a massive trigger for me, so SOCIAL distancing is not a good choice.

Addiction IS “Spiritual Distancing” in one of its most extreme forms, and Christ’s Atonement is the ultimate key to recovery. Study God’s words, ponder and pray. Watch/listen to inspirational spiritual messages. (The Church’s YouTube channel is an AMAZING resource for uplifting media! Check out the “Hope Works” series for starters!)

A Message from God’s Prophet

As you probably know, The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints had to implement drastic measures in response to COVID-19. As the church discontinued all public meetings, closed temples, and recalled missionaries from many parts of the world, President Russell M. Nelson took to social media to let the world know that “Social Distancing” does NOT mean removing yourself from your network of support or your spiritual roots. On the contrary, we are to serve and be served in a Christ-like way.

God’s Fingerprints are everywhere in an addict’s life

Ministering Like the Savior

“We have the great privilege of ministering to our neighbors wherever they live. Brothers and sisters, please take good care of yourselves and your loved ones, and look for opportunities to help those around you near and far.”

“Temporary changes in our normal routine may allow additional time to experience how precious home-centered gospel study can be.”

–Russell M. Nelson, President of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints

President Nelson also encouraged members to find opportunities to minister to their neighbors and practice worshiping at home.

“I know the great and marvelous blessings that God has in store for those who love Him and serve Him,” he said. “I see evidence of His hand in this holy work in so many ways.”

–Russell M. Nelson, President of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints

I hope that each of us, no matter how bad things get, can “…see evidence of His hand…in so many ways.”
Ask God to allow you to see yourself and others as he sees, and then act accordingly:

Finally, remember that GOD LOVES YOU. You are his Child. He is your loving Father. Each of us has fallen from his grace, but that does not stop him from offering His Grace to us every day:

God’s fingerprints are EVERYWHERE in our lives… the more a person needs “saving”, the more eager God is to bless that person with His grace.

–Me (about 10 minutes ago…)
LDS Addiction Recovery Support During COVID-19

Angels are watching…

I testify in the name of Jesus Christ that ministering angels are all around us! I close today with this quote from Elder Holland. He reminds us that God’s ministering angels protect each of us.

“In the gospel of Jesus Christ, you have help from both sides of the veil, and you must never forget that. When disappointment and discouragement strike—and they will—you remember and never forget that if our eyes could be opened, we would see horses and chariots of fire as far as the eye can see riding at reckless speed to come to our protection. These armies of heaven will always be there in defense of Abraham’s seed.”
―Elder Jeffrey R. Holland

As always, thanks for reading Change of Heart! Your stories inspire me…please share with me below, or PM me at Kyle@ChangeOfHeart.LIFE. Here’s a final “wrap-up” video for today’s message… I hope you enjoy it!

And don’t forget: With God…ALL THINGS ARE POSSIBLE!

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Husband. Father. Grandfather. Uncle. Son. Pro Musician. Blogger. Inspirational Speaker. Mormon. And...recovering alcoholic. As a Certified Recovery Support Specialist, I share my story at ChangeOfHeart.LIFE, facilitate 12-step meetings for the LDS Addiction Recovery Program, lead Recovery Support Groups, and work for Davis Behavioral Health as part of the Recovery Support Services team.

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3 years ago

Love the concept and the visual awareness you shared of God’s fingerprint is everywhere. The new Normal – cute.
You are very talented in your web page. Thank you for sharing

Singer/Songwriter Kenny Loggins once said, "...what you learn is that no matter when you jump, you will either land on your feet...or learn to fly".…
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